Hör auf gegen die Welle zu kämpfen, surfe!
Lassen Sie sich nicht von vielstimmigen Teams oder schwierigen Kunden unterkriegen. Interagieren Sie anders und nutzen Sie die Interaktionen, um neue Lösungen zu schaffen.
Was benötigt wird:
Die Perspektive wechseln:
Unterschiede sind natürlich. Vielfalt bedeutet neue Ideen, verhindert Stagnation und ist die Grundlage des Fortschritts. Der Zweck von Konflikten ist es, aus dem, was da ist, etwas zu schaffen. Gehen Sie in den Erkundungsmodus, bleiben Sie neugierig und hören Sie zu. Unterschiede können Impulse geben und eine überraschende Geschwindigkeit für das Neue schaffen.
Suchen Sie nach den Zielen hinter den Positionen:
Die Positionen sind oft konträr und bergen ein hohes Risiko, in einem Win-Lose-Spiel zu enden. Die Erwartungen, die sich hinter den Konflikten verbergen, sind der motivierende Teil. Von dort aus kann sich das Kämpfen gegen in ein Kämpfen für verwandeln. Engagement entsteht, wenn man seine Ziele mit einbezieht. Seien Sie compassionate und accountable, stellen Sie Verbindungen her und schaffen Sie einen verlässlichen Rahmen.
Verwenden Sie die Sprache der anderen Person:
Um mit einer anderen Person in Verbindung zu treten, ist die Art und Weise, wie Menschen etwas sagen, genauso wichtig wie das, was sie sagen! Indem man die Wahrnehmungssprache der Menschen nutzt, wirkt man besser auf sie ein und deeskaliert die Stressreaktion. Mit dem Flow dessen, was im Raum ist, zu gehen, ist wie auf der Welle zu surfen!
Sind Sie neugierig, wie Sie in schwierigen Gesprächen auf der Welle surfen können?
Leading Out Of Drama® mit dem Konzept der compassionate accountability,
Process Communication Model® mit dem Konzept der agilen Kommunikation und
Positive Intelligence® mit dem Konzept der Präsenz und mentalen Stärke
sind erprobte Instrumente für positive Konflikte und erfolgreiche Kommunikation!
Clear, calm, laser-focused in a job interview
As career coach I am often confronted with the question of how you can be and stay your authentic and clear self in a job interview, be impactful in the middle of a potentially stressful situation, facing both chance and risk of denial.
You hold two keys to success in your hands!
Follow a clear-cut process to step up fully with your personality and expertise and activate your mental strength to be be resilient under stress.
Key 1 – The process part is a path of exploration, analysis and focus ahead of the interview. It’s about you, your passion and your USP for the market and the specific job in front of you. There are 3 leading questions:
What is your „I want …“, your values and goals?
What is your „I can …“ – your expertise and your success stories?
What is your „hitpoint and sweet spot …“ – your why this job and why this company?
This clarity gives you confidence and impact in how you step up and it makes you believable having matching stories and successes to tell.
Key 2 – Your mental strength is to step up with clarity and calmness in the challenging context of a job interview and recover quickly when you are hijacked by stress
Does any of the following scenario and self-sabotaging mindchatter sound familiar?
Before the interview: “I want this job so much. I am afraid I am blocked tomorrow and will forget what I want to say.” “If I lose, I will be in trouble. I need this job so much.“ „Am I good enough?” “What if they ask why I have left my old job. I am afraid my emotions come up again.”
During the interview: “This HR-executive looks so puzzled. I seem to have given the wrong answer.” “I am so nervous, my voice trembles.” “Shit, I forgot an important info.” “I hear myself speaking and I don’t seem to come to the point.” “I am tense and not my usual self.”
If you are in that mindset of negative emotions you are in the stress part of your brain and have no access to your full potential, your creativity, clarity and to calm laser-focused action.
What now!
I recommend highly effective exercises to both activate your mental fitness muscle before the event and to recover quickly in case of stress hijacking during the event. These tools are from Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine.
- Preempt your saboteurs:
Anticipate the interview and your possible self-sabotaging reaction; Pause and breathe. Then imagine yourself reacting calm and clear and stepping up your best self.
What is fascinating: our brain does not differentiate between real and imagined. When you imagine the positive process, the same neuro-circuitry pathway is activated as during a real success experience. - Activate your mental fitness muscle:
This can be used before the situation to gain energy and focus and in the stress situation to quickly calm down and recover.
What is fascinating: the little exercises, called PQ reps, only take 10 seconds each and they don’t need a quiet solitary place to practice. Do it in the middle of the hustle-bustle of life and if needed during a stress hijacking:
The secret is to actively focus on your sensations. By that you stop your mind jumping around and instead focus on one physical sense. You can feel the effect immediately. If in that moment you were under a MRI you would also get the scientific proof that your stress center is quieted down and your sage creative part of the brain is activated.
Here are two of many variations you can do
- PQ rep using your sense of touch
Touch one device (pen, paper, coffee cup, glass of water) in front of you and really feel the temperature, texture and sensations on your finger tips. Maybe move your finger tips slowly so you can feel more sensations.
Great Job! - PQ rep using breath
Take a couple of deep breaths. Now let your breath settle into its normal mode. Feel the rising and falling of your chest and stomach with each breath. Notice the temperature of air as it enters your nostrils and the temperature of air as it exits your nostrils.
Great job!
If you do PQ reps regularly during the day, you can continously build up your mental muscle.
Explore further possibilities with Mental Fitness – how to sustainably train and build up your mental strength, to be resilient facing any challenges and setbacks and recover quicker – for more click here
You have questions around impactful job interviews and you want to learn more about a successful job shift:
Interested in a free coaching session with me?
Just book your 30 minute appointment in my calendly:
https://calendly.com/ubnachbaur/kostenfrei-free-30min-coaching-call
or contact me
Why does negative drag us down more than positive uplifts us?
And why is it so critical for us to have a minimum ratio of 3 to 1 positive versus negative?
If you are above this ratio you are uplifted by a vortex of positivity and if you are below it you are feeling continually dragged down by a vortex of negativity. Thank you Shirzad Chamine for compiling relevant research on this 3 to 1 ratio in your book “Positive Intelligence” and adding your own studies of the PQ vortex for describing this energetic phenomenon.
What has evolution to do with it?
Basically, our brain spirals on the negative as well as on the positive. The reason why our brain boosts the negative and why you need 3 positives to counteract 1 negative is that due to evolution our brain holds on to and amplifies the negative far more than the positive. Being aware and remembering details of dangerous animals was much more important for our ancestors than remembering a beautiful flower.
What can we do to be overall more uplifted than dragged down?
We cannot change our circumstances. What we can do is be aware and consciously shift our perspective and outlook on life. This has a significant impact on our performance and well-being. As a consequence we are more calm, focused and curious and less anxious, hectic and stressed.
Make this a habit:
The minimum of 3/1 ratio should be maintained both inside and outside your mind – in the form of thoughts in your head and also externally keeping a 3/1 ratio of positive to negative interactions in relationships that matter to you. So pay attention to when you have negative thoughts or emotions inside your head. These are moments when your mind feels stress, anxiety, anger, disappointment, stress, blame, guilt, shame, self-doubt, regret and so on. These moments might happen in reaction to yourself, to others or to circumstances. Maybe you are beating yourself up for a recent failure, or you are blaming your partner or colleague for not acting the way you want. Or maybe you feel helpless and angry because of events you cannot influence. When you notice that, counter that by commanding your mind to come up with at least 3 positives. They don’t have to be big or complicated things.
Are you open for a little exercise to train it?
Aim to 3/1 ratio in your mind:
Close your eyes.
Let’s think positive using perspective. Bring to mind something that has been bothering you.
Let’s think at least of a couple of possible gifts. First: to have the situation not bother you as much, what strength do you need to grow. Maybe it’s about being more empathetic towards yourself or the other? So bringing compassion to yourself could be one gift.
Be curious about what you have learnt. How could that help you handle an even bigger challenge. What challenge might that be? Create a learning could be a second gift.
Can you think about a third possible gift? What else is crossing your mind, that you are grateful for? There are often so many gifts here and now, if you really think about it.
… Open your eyes when you are ready.
And you can do the same in your surrounding
Aim for 3/1 ratio in relationships:
It takes 3 positive interactions to neutralize 1 negative interactions.
Think about it when you meet people. Sometime a smile, a positive word, a personal question or even small acknowledgments change a lot!
I hope this article was interesting for you. If you are interested to learn more about mental fitness and how to train it, feel free to contact me:
And if you want to know your own PQ score: do the free assessment: https://key4c.com/en/mental-fitness/#PQSCORE
The Author:
Dr. Uta Barbara Nachbaur an executive and career coach and trainer, is specialized in leadership, mental fitness, communication, conflict and intercultural navigation.
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